A good session back

After feeling a bit apprehensive about getting in the walker again after a few days not being in it, it actually felt really good. With a new level of determination I was really happy I could still get two feet down as I wasn't sure how difficult it would be. Thankfully after a little while I did a few steps and once again ran into (metaphorically speaking) the problem with my right leg down mid stride. As I have Athetoid Cerebral Palsy, my muscles constantly want to contract like an over stretched elastic band waiting to ping at any moment. This means that whenever I try to do something I am fighting against myself, sometimes literally smacking myself in the face (always great when I'm around new people!).

During this battle against my right leg, I decided to put it down next to my left (like a soldier) which I found easier to do. So I spent the next little stint going left, right, stop, which managed to work really well. Being really happy with this I tried to explain to Cassie my new technique, only to do the complete opposite way round on the next stint. For some reason I was able to do a continuous stride this time without any problems, which left me thinking what the heck! But that is my body all over, you think you have something figured out and then it springs another surprise.

An unsatisfactory week

As the title of this post suggests, it hasn't been a great week in terms of progress and training. Completely opposite to what I felt at the start of the week. I did have an idea though which I am looking forward in trying out in the coming days, which will hopefully help build up my upper body strength.

Currently, although I can weight bear on my feet, I need help with transitioning from sitting to standing, as well as standing. Therefore when I get into my walker, I have to have two people either side of me to help me in to the frame. Now, as lovely and supportive as Cassie and my other helpers are, I know that I am not the lightest person in the world. So I am hoping to bring my "Ladder-back Chair" in to play and put it in front of the walker, hopefully so I can grab it and eventually pull myself up. A Ladder-back Chair is a wooden upright frame with lots of grab bars going down it, originating from Peto's Conductive Education (I will explain more about this in a future post).

I'm not sure how successful this idea is going to be, especially at the beginning, but hopefully it'll be a work-in-progress.

Pull-back-and-go!

Another week another Monday, yet this one feels different. I feel less grey then usual which might be down to me looking forward to progressing with the walker.

There are two main targets on the makeshift white board this week, which are: Steps in bedroom by Wednesday and in the office by Thursday (my walker is in the bedroom as it not exactly the smallest thing in the world). However in the afternoon session I got a little bit eager as usual and decided to try and take some steps.

After being pulled back I asked Cassie to slowly push me forward to see if I can transfer my weight from one leg to another. As I was doing this I found it very difficult to put the other leg down unless I did very big strides (imagine a walking compass, as in what you draw circles with). After a short break I decided to put weights on my ankles to see if that would help encourage my leg down, which it did. It is far from perfect but I guess I have found this week focus!

The whole thing reminded me of those pull-back-and-go toy cars...

#2FeetFriday

Today is a good day, today is two feet Friday.

On Wednesday I decided to give myself a small target for this week which was to have both of my feet down on the floor and standing by Friday, which seemed like it was going to be difficult after the last Two days. Having had a bit of sore ankle last night and being sedated at the dentist earlier, I was unsure if I would be getting in the walker today. As 4 o'clock approached though I got this urge of really wanting to get in the walker and try a new technique.

This morning I realised that when I am transferring off the loo (not a great image I know) I actually have two feet down which made me wonder why. So this time in the walker I decided to leave my boots off, my ankle weights off and my resistant band off too as that is what I have been using thus far. As if by magic I managed to get both feet down by merely thinking about what I do in the loo (that sounds wrong), hence two feet Friday.

Have a great weekend.

1-2 Step...

After yesterday I decided to try and get in the walker twice a day after wanting to be a bit cautious initially. Many smart people who know me say to take it easy at the beginning but after spending some time in the walker (albeit for a few minutes) I thought I would be OK to do it twice a day. There have been occasions where I have become a bit inpatient mentally in terms of wanting to do more sooner but I guess this is the other aspect of my development, trying to tame my natural eagerness . Another moment that caught me by surprise today was when I was speaking to Cassie (my friend and also P.A). I can't remember what was said but it was the first time where I wondered to myself if this thing was doable. I then thought to myself that there will be many more occasions where I might question this but I am at the first step at the moment so for now, I will plough on forward.

After the morning standing, which was only for a few minutes (slowly slowly catchy monkey and all that) (I do love my brackets), I decided to try and tie my legs together for the afternoon session. Unfortunately this is not as exciting as it may sound to some as I just used one of my resistance bands that I had bought in a previous stage of trying to get fitter/lose weight (short lived). The biggest obstacle that I am finding at the moment when it comes to standing is to try and keep both feet down, which is something that has repeatedly been difficult for me all my life (One of my nicknames growing up was stork legs as I would always be standing on one leg). Like most ideas though they appear easy and simple in my head which doesn't always translate to reality as the resistance band I had was very long so it didn't help as intended. The obvious thing now would have been to cut it but hindsight helps us learn!

I am happy that I managed to do two relatively longer stints of standing in the frame with the occasional hanging like a baby moment. I might explain that in a picture at some point when I am more body confident. I finished the session with a warm down of sitting and marching which always brings in to my head The Proclaimers "I'm Gonna Be (500 miles)". #mentalJukebox (first hash tag of the blog!)

Finally, it's here!...

So finally after much anticipation it is the day that the walker has arrived, which means I can finally start doing something rather than planning and imagining in my head (I use the word "planning" very loosely).

Since I had this idea of getting a walker and doing (what I would call) a long distance walk, it has been a case of thinking about it and really wanting to make it happen. Normally when I have an idea I get very confident in that idea and often move forward with great gusto, no matter how difficult it may be. That is not to say that they all work out, in fact I am full of half baked ideas which never really get finished. However this feels different, I am not sure why but it does. Whenever I think about this aim of doing 10k I think back to that moment of feeling inspired whilst watching the London marathon and listening to all the people who may not have been fit at the start of their journey. This occupies my mind rather than thinking about how the heck I will do this.

Time to crack on!

About this Blog

Hi guys and girls, my name is Shaz and I have Cerebral Palsy (that has become a trade mark saying). I wanted to introduce myself to you as I will be talking about myself a lot over the next few years. But before I go deep into my life history let me tell you what this blog is going to be about, that way you can decide whether it is worth a read or not!

So the lowdown is that I am a 31 year old guy who has had cerebral palsy since birth. My CP affects my speech, movement and means that I can't walk or stand on my own and even then  it is not always easy. I need 24 hour care and cannot eat drink or go to the loo on my own. What  a catch hey!! Not that I am tooting my own horn but I have been to Uni and got a Masters so I am quite educated (even though it does not feel like it sometimes).

Since leaving I have been trying to start my own business in digital multimedia, so basically designing websites, apps and anything else remotely digital. With one thing or another my business skills didn't help the company take off, and if it did it probably only got about 2 feet high. Though I initially wanted to work for another company, any company in a 9-5 position but as I realise now  it was always going to be difficult for me with my disability (although many people are successfully working a 9-5). As with anything what goes up must come down and I think trying to persevere in achieving some kind of professional success (in terms of working and earning a living) has left me feeling low in the last year, with a pinch of "what the hell am I doing with my life".

Now there is one thing you need to know about me and I am sure you will probably get to know this in time, I always like to aim BIG and often make things difficult for myself. It is not something I actively set out to do but it ends up that way, which finally leads us to the purpose of this blog. I (in my infinite wisdom) have decided that in 2 years time (give or take a few months) want to complete a 10k (km/kilometers) walk. I don't mean in my wheelchair but actually physically walking with the aid of a walker.

I have no idea why I have decided it will be 10k especially as I can't even walk 1 step unaided, or even aided sometimes, but my personality will not let me change this. I am a stubborn bastard which is another thing you will probably discover in the next few years. The reason why I have decided to do this is that I am hoping I will rediscover a drive that I have seem to have lost recently. When it comes to getting a job or running your own business there can be so many factors which can have an impact on the outcome no matter how much you put into it. Whereas with this mission the outside factors will not be an obstacle, it is more of  a question of how much I put into it and how much I can do. The next 2 years will be my sabbatical, my time away (if you like) to find myself, and hopefully share it with you. This is something that I am doing for me and only me but if sharing my experiences has a beneficial effect on others then I will be ecstatic!

Now there are a few things that I would like to make clear. I am aware that I have a disability and it is not exactly a small one (albeit I am bias), I have not forgotten that. This mission is not going to be easy it might be that I may not ever reach this magically 10k that I have set myself  but that is OK. The work I need to do to achieve this and improve my physically capabilities will not go to waste if I cannot continue this mission (I have no idea why I am now calling it a mission but I am). Another thing I would like to say is I am not suffering from delusions of grandeur, I don't think I am better than anyone, I am simply doing this to see how far I get and what I can achieve. P.S. I am quite paranoid so there might be a lot of attempts at this justification thing.