Warm festive wishes

To all my readers, followers, and new friends. I'd like to wish you and your loved ones a very happy festive period.

Hope 2017 is a happy and successful one for you.

Good afternoon, gym

Today I had my first decent afternoon session at the gym, and when I say decent I mean that I was satisfied with the overall workout. I mentioned before I did not like going in the afternoon as my body felt tighter and I was not as patient with myself but today I went in focused and I feel great for it.

Even though my work out is still almost all upper body based, the work I do on my legs feels like it is really paying off. I will try and get a video of my leg work out next week but for now I will leave you with yesterday's standing. As I mentioned the other day my left leg is not flinging up as much and I can put more weight on it as well.

I end this post with a question to you, is there anything you would like to know or would like me to write about in my detail? Let me know and hope you have a good weekend.

Winding down for the year...

It is Christmas next week!

Hi everyone! As the big day gets closer I have subconsciously started to wind down for the year and am preparing to hibernate. Though not quite yet!

After going to the gym this week and going skiing earlier, I have noticed that my muscles have become looser yet stronger. I am nowhere near Arnold Schwarzenegger (not that I want to be) but I can feel differences in my movements every day. For example when I am being transferred from one chair to another, I can now get both of my legs to stay down with conviction rather than one flying up half way through. When I am on the floor being transferred back into my wheelchair too I can feel a lot more strength in my thighs when I push up off the floor. Where once I was jelly, I am now more of a blancmange!

I can feel this in my walker as well, which at the moment is a smaller one and feels like a Little Tykes walker. It has become so much easier to put my left foot down and for it to stay down albeit for a short period. I should have taken a video earlier to properly see the difference but maybe next time.

I hope your run up to Christmas is not one of a headless chicken running around and I hope that I don't start indulging too early!

Clotted cream? Hello...

Mid-week positivity!

It is mid week and I feel happy! Which makes a change because afterall there is still two days to go until the weekend. Nevertheless it has been a very active week so far and I feel great for it.

After resting my neck at the weekend I started the week with a real drive to work out and get in my walker, and so far after two sessions in the gym this week I feel like my body is getting stronger. The work out in the gym is very upper body based at the moment, though it also helps my legs too but I am slowly finding a good balance.

The gym has a machine that you can strap yourself into whilst sitting down but then can be put into the upright standing position, which is used a lot by many wheelchair users to help strengthen their standing. After being a bit dubious about whether it can handle me in all my glory, I decided to try it out last week. After a few hairy moments such as making sure my knees don't slip out of the knee blocks, I don't slip out the sides whilst my legs remain upright, and just generally wondering when the machine will give way, it was quite good. Given this was the first time of getting in this contraption, it will be a very good machine to help with weight baring in both legs down the line. It also resembles a cross trainer (to a certain degree) where you can use your hands and feet to move your legs and get into a stride, though instead of going upwards your feet have more of a sliding motion.

Now speaking of a sliding motion, I was in the walker yesterday trying to stand on two feet as I still had the rod in the way of my legs. As my feet were tied together I decided try and do small steps in one place, which is not always possible as my leg go flying like a cartoon character running. With the help of the resistant band around my legs though, I did not have to worry about that and instead I could start sliding my two feet back and forward. I then thought I could use this to maybe propel the walker but as I went to try it my legs went into spasm and I could not release them because they were tied together! This was painful but once I get my own walker back (I have a replacement one at the moment) I can give this another go. Maybe with help of the cross trainer (that is what I am going to call it now) at the gym this technique might just work. I might need a few pairs of trainers though if I am going to slide my way through the 10km.

Finding my groove...

Hi guys and girls!

I feel like it has been a long time so my apologies for that. It has been a very active week overall but a good one in terms of fitness, although I have not managed to use the walker that much.

The walker had an upgrade in relation to the direction locks at the start of the week which sadly had a negative effect. As it turns out, because I have an outdoor version of the walker I cannot have the standard direction locks that usually comes with the frame. The company that I bought it from offered to do a makeshift version but unfortunately this uses a rod across the front of the walker, which when I get in the walker to stand, my feet kick and graze this rod and it gets in the way of my stride. The positive is that the company will be taking the walker away (leaving me with a temporary one) whilst they hopefully devise something better. Needless to say I am a lot more positive about it now then I was on Monday.

It has been a good week gym wise as well. After last Friday I have decided to try and get in the gym earlier in the day when my body is more loose and I am not as grouchy. I have realised that when I go in the afternoon I get more irritated with myself especially when I feel like it is not going well and I am fighting my body. One funny thing is that I have now convinced myself that one of the hand cycle machines is better than the other as I have had more luck with it (deep down I don't think it is the case).

I have managed to get into more of a rhythm with regards to what machines I use and not having a trainer with me (it is an extra £19 a session as well as monthly gym membership). If you are following me on social media, you might have seen me on the rowing machine which I think has to be my favourite. I can get into a good rhythm and feel like I am working out without having to have any extra bits and bobs strapped on to me. I was hoping to go to the gym today but I have had a bad neck all week and it has become angrier as the days have gone on. So as a matter of self preservation and not ruining next week's sessions I have decide to give it rest.

In case you are wondering my neck issues are not a new thing but because of my Cerebral Palsy. My body tends to use my neck for everything it does, whether it be sitting, transferring or even talking. Most of the actions start from my neck. I am eager to push harder next week though so watch this space!

Happy weekend everyone!

Bye bye bingo wings

As I like to state the obvious and say what day it is I will continue by saying that its Friday! I feel a bit more positive than I did a week ago but they maybe because it has been quite a different week.

As you may know I had my gym induction this week, on Wednesday and it was good. I felt like a kid going to a theme park that day and I felt like it was the beginning of another step in this quest. After a few forms and a quick blood pressure check I was ready for Ken (Gym instructor) to work me hard, and he did. The first machine was a hand cycle which I thought would break me in gently but it was tough! A minute in and I was out of breath and yet the person next to me was spinning away! Eventually once I got into a rhythm I manage to get both arms relatively evenly, I started feeling the benefits. So I put my head down and really pushed until I couldn't push anymore.

I then got onto the leg press which was one of the main machines I wanted to use in the first place. This machine that wasn't the easiest to get onto, for one thing the seat looked like it was meant for a raggy doll, which might be good for most people but for me it felt very unsupportive. Nevertheless I managed to use a belt to help to keep me stable and tried to use my left leg to push the weight. To my surprise as soon as my leg was straight my knee locked into position (as it does when I am standing) and I could not bend it until I straightened it even more. It reminded me of a retractable ball point pen, where you click down before you can bring it back again. Because of this, I could not really bring my leg up smoothly so I kept dropping the weight and making heavy loud bangs, which is always embarrassing. Unfortunately the angle of the backrest was creating a lot of spasms in my hips which meant that I had to get off after a few minutes, which itself wasn't easy.

The next few machines were ones that I felt I could really get into and knuckle down. With every push and pull I imagined losing my bingo wings and imagined using the walker easier. I felt motivated!

Standing Frustrations

It is Monday again and a brand new week, and what I have realised is standing is annoying me. I think I've mentioned before about my tendency to always want to move forward quicker than I am, and I think that is the case at the moment. I feel like I am standing every time but still not feeling like it is getting better in terms of standing on my two feet. As soon as my left heel touches the ground (it might not even touch the ground) my right leg is straight up. Super frustrating.

One really good think out of today is that the method of standing up has changed. Instead of having my helpers lift me up into the walker, I moved my chair forward into my walker and used my arms/underarms to push myself up whilst Cassie pulls out the chair beneath me. It sounds weird but I am happy because it is less strain on other people!

Ranty Friday!

Hello ladies and gents it's Friday, yay!

I just had a walking session and I did get a bit angry, not because of my own progress but because I feel that the lack of direction locks for the walker is a hindrance to moving forward. No pun intended! What is more irritating is the company that I ordered them from does not seem to be that bothered about it, a few false promises here and a few excuses there but no acknowledgement of apologies. It means that whenever I try and move the walker forward on my own it goes anywhere but. Eventually I will have to tackle this anyway but it is not very helpful in this initial stage! Thanks RMS!

But anyway.... That is my rant over. Instead let me leave you with a rather interesting video of me in my walker yesterday trying to stand on two feet. It is not actually that riveting (especially after the initial few seconds!) but like you I have never seen myself in my walker (obviously), so it was interesting to see it myself. I never actually get my left foot down to the point where it is taking my weight, unless I put it slightly ahead but then I cannot put any weight on it.

Still hopefully it will get better! I cannot believe how much the walker is shaking but then again it has to contend with a lot of weight.

Have a good weekend!

Joining the gym?

When I first got in my walker and used it, I realised that my legs needed some serious strengthening for them to be able to carry my heavy arse over 10km. With my disability I cannot support myself without help and cannot get up from my wheelchair unaided. Whenever I need to get out of my wheelchair and onto my bed for example I need help.

Though I can't stand up on my own I can weight bare, which means that people can help me with the initial momentum to get me on my feet (e.g. holding my shoulders or underarm and pulling me up). Whilst I am standing up I am usually spun on one leg before sitting back down, so the time that I am holding my weight on my legs is relatively short. This will not be the case during the big walk. Given this I had a thought that the ideal solution would be to do leg presses, as not only would this strengthen my legs, it would also be the same movement as I would be doing when I transfer off the floor into my chair. The floor by the way is where I chill and relax (but not chillax - terrible word!).

Sadly, as you can imagine, I cannot wonder into my local gym and get on a leg press machine as I will probably fall off of it. If not go flying across the room. So I decided to put that idea to the back of my mind, until Friday's stroll that is. I woke up Monday morning with a new sense of drive and decided to look at what was potentially available locally, as I was thinking that if I cannot use a leg press I would devise an alternative.

During my one of many times of wanting to get fit, I used to go swimming at a place called Aspire, which is a centre that helps people with spinal injuries. Aspire also offer similar characteristics as your typical leisure centre would, with the difference being they cater for people with and without disabilities, e.g. sports equipment and gym facilities, etc. Over a decade ago I went to have a look at Aspire's gym to see if I could use any of their equipment but at the time there wasn't anything suitable for me. nevertheless I decided to take a trip there again on Monday and to my surprise, it was very much the opposite this time around.

Whilst I was being shown the gym at Aspire, I met one of the staff members that works there, Kenneth, who was great. After mentioning the areas I was interested in focusing on, Kenneth showed me the various machines that I could use. Before I knew it I was testing out the different machines and pulling weights! Back in school, I used to secretly go on the weight machine with my friend. This wasn't exactly safe as my left hand use to slip off the handle bar and end up swinging everywhere. To my absolute glee, Kenneth found me a strap (almost like a mitten) which went over my hand and the bar, preventing my hand from opening up and letting go of the handle bar. I went from not thinking that I could use anything, to pulling weights on this huge machine and I cannot tell you how great it felt. Seeing how I was only testing whether I could use the machine I didn't want to take the mick otherwise I would have wanted to go crazy on it.

Secretly not wanting to leave I arranged an induction with Kenneth for next week and I am counting down the days. I cannot wait!
On a funny note I have this image in my head of me dangling from the handlebars, which reminds me of the film Men In Black. Will Smith was explaining that he didn't shoot the alien because the alien was "just" working out. Random I know.

The below clip has flashing lights!

Bouncy bouncy

Howdy folks! I am sorry it has been a while, I had a few commitments to take care of. But I'm back and I have got a lot to say (as always).

As some of you may have seen on Facebook and Twitter I got my old gaiters out last week. Gaiters are leg splints which help keep your legs straight, or at least meant to. I thought it might help me in terms of getting my standing in order by keeping both legs straight and positioned on the floor. At the moment not only do I find this difficult to do but because I mainly stand on my right leg, the burn on my right thigh is immense! This is probably because it has 75kg on it (yes I've just weighed myself at the wheelchair centre and no that is not with my chair as well sadly). Unfortunately the gaiters do not work because 1) my thighs are too big for my splints to keep straight and 2) when I stand up in theses gaiters I can't move my legs over to the right place as I can't bend them.

So I thought about what else can I use and instantly I had an image in my head of someone tied to a rock in the sea (too many films). Instead of a rock though I decided to order 2 x 2.5kg ankle weights in the hope that these will help keep my feet down (ish). Sadly as heavy as they are, when I am in the walker they have zero effect until I forget about them and start walking, in which case stubbing your toe with 2.5kg of weight can hurt a lot!

Trying to work on my standing is proving to be a difficult task, both mentally and physically, which is ironic because one might think it would be the opposite. So on Friday afternoon I decided to just go for a stroll in my bedroom and asked my helpers to let go of the walker so that I could try moving forward. Let me tell you it was literally one step forward and two steps back, once I managed to get moving that is!

Because of the walkers' wheels, it is really difficult to start moving forward as the front castors are very eager to turn backwards. So whenever I try to put some effort through my legs I instantly go backwards especially (as I previously mentioned) I find it difficult to get my feet back behind my bum. In the end I started using one of the breaks as a make shift clutch so that I can get some weight in my legs before the walker moved anywhere, which was rather interesting. The whole thing made me look like a baby in a bouncer!

This was on my mind over the weekend and it made me think about something that I have previously thought about, which will lead me onto my next blog...

Back to Basics

Today was a great day in terms of progress as my physio Anna (from the Kingsfield Centre for Physiotherapy) came over for a home visit. I see Anna every week to help with various aches and pains and she helps me keep my body from falling to pieces, so to speak. Anna came today to have a look at me in my walker and give me some tips and advice which is always good. I am not always good with advice (I blame it on my Taurean nature) but I know that Anna knows her stuff.

After chatting about the issues with my right leg going down and my left leg locking, we tried a few things to see if it helps. I have mentioned before that I am geek and often look at things with a scientific view (nerd) so it really helped when Anna started explaining why my body decides to do something opposite to what I want. One of the exercises we tried was to keep my toes up whilst I put my leg down, as it helps fight against my muscles wanting to bend up quickly. It was surreal how much of a difference it had.

We spoke about a few more exercises I could try and she mentioned that it would be worth doing some weight transfer ones whilst standing which will ultimately help with a more controlled walking. Therefore it is back to basics for me!

A difficult session...

This afternoons session was a little bit difficult to say the least but I guess that will happen occasionally. My feet felt disconnected from my brain and the whole thing felt like one big mess. As I was taking a step I noticed that my legs were so far forward compared to my bum that I would have been going backwards if I was on my own. It made me wonder if I will ever be able to propel myself forwards.

I know that tomorrow will be another day and it will probably better but it felt like big mountain this afternoon. I wanted to share this with you guys as I think it would be unfair to only write about the good moments. Hopefully it is not too depressing!

Bobbing along...

The weeks seem to be flying since I started this blog, we already have Christmas adverts! Mind you that doesn't say much because they started back in August.

After last week I was eager to get back in my walker to check out what my legs are doing (they kind of have a mind of their own). At the moment I am not using the walker at the weekends so when Monday comes around it is a case of getting right back on it. I wasn't very happy with Mondays walking as everything felt a bit tight, I couldn't get into a flow. One thing I did notice though is whenever I took a step I kept rising up in the walker and then back down again. It felt like I was on a pogo stick. This was a clear indication that the walker needed adjusting!

With my walker you have two main levels of bars that hold in place and upright . One of them is meant to be under my arms like a rubber ring, and the other above my hips. In raising the top bar my trunk has become a bit straighter which means that when I put my weight on my legs and push down I won't bob up again (like a mole waiting to be whacked). The added bonus of this is that my bum is not sticking out as much, in terms of walking anyway.

At some point this week I am going to stop being camera shy and put up some pictures but until then if you have any questions, or wanted to know anything then feel free to ask in the comments box below. I won't get offended!

The Force of November... Continued

I just did some more walking and standing, and because I like to analyse everything I was focusing on my left leg trying to figure out why I can't transfer weight to my right leg. I think what happens is when I am standing on my left leg, my leg almost feels like it's over stretching and locked into position. Therefore when I try to transfer weight to my right the effort of trying to unlock my left leg almost takes too long and so my right leg springs back up again because of the elasticity. These are all my thoughts and I could be completely wrong but I will try and get some videos of my legs next week to see what happens at the moment of weight transfer.

I am very scientific in nature so I think if I understand the problem better, I might be able to teach myself how to overcome it.

The Force of November

It has been a week of discovery and learning, which is good because it means that we are moving forward. It has been a good week in terms of training as well so I feel like I can be satisfied so to speak.

Last week I noticed whilst walking that whenever I move my right leg forward and try to put weight on it (mid stride), I do what I call a double bounce on my right foot. Instead of putting my foot down and my weight going under, for some reason my foot goes down and then bounces up again very slightly before it takes my weight. This has had a knock on effect on my ankle which is something you obviously don't want. So the time was here to invest in some ankle supports, which is probably the first of many self up grades I am going to need to have I feel.

Once the ankle supports arrived I instantly noticed an improvement , my body wasn't trying to hop, skip and jump any more. As always though whenever I introduce something new to my body, my body instantly doesn't like it and decides to increase the spasms, which made walking a little bit more difficult. It was kind of like one step forward and two steps back but I know that it is just a matter of getting use to it.

So far when I have been doing my walking in my bedroom, my helpers have been helping me around by pushing the walker forward as I take a step. This is because at the moment I cannot propel myself forward and keep myself going straight. I was meant to get direction locks with my walker but this was left off the order and is taking a while to get to me. Eventually though the aim is for me to do it all myself and not make my helpers walk the 10k with me. What I have noticed at the moment though is when I am walking my bum is sticking out behind me (more than normal) which means that my legs never go back past my bum. This kind of raised a flag in my mind because I don't think I can ever move forward if I can't get my weight bearing leg behind me to push off of, unless I wanted to do the 10k backwards in which case arse first would be perfect.

For the rest of the week I decided to go back to standing with the back bar of my walker moved forward, which makes my bum go forward and more aligned with my back. This makes things more difficult as I can be like the Hunch Back of Notre Dame. Whilst standing I have been trying to transfer my weight from one leg to another but as always the right leg just doesn't like going down when the left leg is there. Being a geek I tried to see at what point it springs back up and realised that it does not like transferring the weight from the left leg (basically it gives up at the last second). So I think I need to figure out a way to do some pushing exercises with my legs, the question is how?

A good session back

After feeling a bit apprehensive about getting in the walker again after a few days not being in it, it actually felt really good. With a new level of determination I was really happy I could still get two feet down as I wasn't sure how difficult it would be. Thankfully after a little while I did a few steps and once again ran into (metaphorically speaking) the problem with my right leg down mid stride. As I have Athetoid Cerebral Palsy, my muscles constantly want to contract like an over stretched elastic band waiting to ping at any moment. This means that whenever I try to do something I am fighting against myself, sometimes literally smacking myself in the face (always great when I'm around new people!).

During this battle against my right leg, I decided to put it down next to my left (like a soldier) which I found easier to do. So I spent the next little stint going left, right, stop, which managed to work really well. Being really happy with this I tried to explain to Cassie my new technique, only to do the complete opposite way round on the next stint. For some reason I was able to do a continuous stride this time without any problems, which left me thinking what the heck! But that is my body all over, you think you have something figured out and then it springs another surprise.

An unsatisfactory week

As the title of this post suggests, it hasn't been a great week in terms of progress and training. Completely opposite to what I felt at the start of the week. I did have an idea though which I am looking forward in trying out in the coming days, which will hopefully help build up my upper body strength.

Currently, although I can weight bear on my feet, I need help with transitioning from sitting to standing, as well as standing. Therefore when I get into my walker, I have to have two people either side of me to help me in to the frame. Now, as lovely and supportive as Cassie and my other helpers are, I know that I am not the lightest person in the world. So I am hoping to bring my "Ladder-back Chair" in to play and put it in front of the walker, hopefully so I can grab it and eventually pull myself up. A Ladder-back Chair is a wooden upright frame with lots of grab bars going down it, originating from Peto's Conductive Education (I will explain more about this in a future post).

I'm not sure how successful this idea is going to be, especially at the beginning, but hopefully it'll be a work-in-progress.

Pull-back-and-go!

Another week another Monday, yet this one feels different. I feel less grey then usual which might be down to me looking forward to progressing with the walker.

There are two main targets on the makeshift white board this week, which are: Steps in bedroom by Wednesday and in the office by Thursday (my walker is in the bedroom as it not exactly the smallest thing in the world). However in the afternoon session I got a little bit eager as usual and decided to try and take some steps.

After being pulled back I asked Cassie to slowly push me forward to see if I can transfer my weight from one leg to another. As I was doing this I found it very difficult to put the other leg down unless I did very big strides (imagine a walking compass, as in what you draw circles with). After a short break I decided to put weights on my ankles to see if that would help encourage my leg down, which it did. It is far from perfect but I guess I have found this week focus!

The whole thing reminded me of those pull-back-and-go toy cars...

#2FeetFriday

Today is a good day, today is two feet Friday.

On Wednesday I decided to give myself a small target for this week which was to have both of my feet down on the floor and standing by Friday, which seemed like it was going to be difficult after the last Two days. Having had a bit of sore ankle last night and being sedated at the dentist earlier, I was unsure if I would be getting in the walker today. As 4 o'clock approached though I got this urge of really wanting to get in the walker and try a new technique.

This morning I realised that when I am transferring off the loo (not a great image I know) I actually have two feet down which made me wonder why. So this time in the walker I decided to leave my boots off, my ankle weights off and my resistant band off too as that is what I have been using thus far. As if by magic I managed to get both feet down by merely thinking about what I do in the loo (that sounds wrong), hence two feet Friday.

Have a great weekend.

1-2 Step...

After yesterday I decided to try and get in the walker twice a day after wanting to be a bit cautious initially. Many smart people who know me say to take it easy at the beginning but after spending some time in the walker (albeit for a few minutes) I thought I would be OK to do it twice a day. There have been occasions where I have become a bit inpatient mentally in terms of wanting to do more sooner but I guess this is the other aspect of my development, trying to tame my natural eagerness . Another moment that caught me by surprise today was when I was speaking to Cassie (my friend and also P.A). I can't remember what was said but it was the first time where I wondered to myself if this thing was doable. I then thought to myself that there will be many more occasions where I might question this but I am at the first step at the moment so for now, I will plough on forward.

After the morning standing, which was only for a few minutes (slowly slowly catchy monkey and all that) (I do love my brackets), I decided to try and tie my legs together for the afternoon session. Unfortunately this is not as exciting as it may sound to some as I just used one of my resistance bands that I had bought in a previous stage of trying to get fitter/lose weight (short lived). The biggest obstacle that I am finding at the moment when it comes to standing is to try and keep both feet down, which is something that has repeatedly been difficult for me all my life (One of my nicknames growing up was stork legs as I would always be standing on one leg). Like most ideas though they appear easy and simple in my head which doesn't always translate to reality as the resistance band I had was very long so it didn't help as intended. The obvious thing now would have been to cut it but hindsight helps us learn!

I am happy that I managed to do two relatively longer stints of standing in the frame with the occasional hanging like a baby moment. I might explain that in a picture at some point when I am more body confident. I finished the session with a warm down of sitting and marching which always brings in to my head The Proclaimers "I'm Gonna Be (500 miles)". #mentalJukebox (first hash tag of the blog!)

Finally, it's here!...

So finally after much anticipation it is the day that the walker has arrived, which means I can finally start doing something rather than planning and imagining in my head (I use the word "planning" very loosely).

Since I had this idea of getting a walker and doing (what I would call) a long distance walk, it has been a case of thinking about it and really wanting to make it happen. Normally when I have an idea I get very confident in that idea and often move forward with great gusto, no matter how difficult it may be. That is not to say that they all work out, in fact I am full of half baked ideas which never really get finished. However this feels different, I am not sure why but it does. Whenever I think about this aim of doing 10k I think back to that moment of feeling inspired whilst watching the London marathon and listening to all the people who may not have been fit at the start of their journey. This occupies my mind rather than thinking about how the heck I will do this.

Time to crack on!

About this Blog

Hi guys and girls, my name is Shaz and I have Cerebral Palsy (that has become a trade mark saying). I wanted to introduce myself to you as I will be talking about myself a lot over the next few years. But before I go deep into my life history let me tell you what this blog is going to be about, that way you can decide whether it is worth a read or not!

So the lowdown is that I am a 31 year old guy who has had cerebral palsy since birth. My CP affects my speech, movement and means that I can't walk or stand on my own and even then  it is not always easy. I need 24 hour care and cannot eat drink or go to the loo on my own. What  a catch hey!! Not that I am tooting my own horn but I have been to Uni and got a Masters so I am quite educated (even though it does not feel like it sometimes).

Since leaving I have been trying to start my own business in digital multimedia, so basically designing websites, apps and anything else remotely digital. With one thing or another my business skills didn't help the company take off, and if it did it probably only got about 2 feet high. Though I initially wanted to work for another company, any company in a 9-5 position but as I realise now  it was always going to be difficult for me with my disability (although many people are successfully working a 9-5). As with anything what goes up must come down and I think trying to persevere in achieving some kind of professional success (in terms of working and earning a living) has left me feeling low in the last year, with a pinch of "what the hell am I doing with my life".

Now there is one thing you need to know about me and I am sure you will probably get to know this in time, I always like to aim BIG and often make things difficult for myself. It is not something I actively set out to do but it ends up that way, which finally leads us to the purpose of this blog. I (in my infinite wisdom) have decided that in 2 years time (give or take a few months) want to complete a 10k (km/kilometers) walk. I don't mean in my wheelchair but actually physically walking with the aid of a walker.

I have no idea why I have decided it will be 10k especially as I can't even walk 1 step unaided, or even aided sometimes, but my personality will not let me change this. I am a stubborn bastard which is another thing you will probably discover in the next few years. The reason why I have decided to do this is that I am hoping I will rediscover a drive that I have seem to have lost recently. When it comes to getting a job or running your own business there can be so many factors which can have an impact on the outcome no matter how much you put into it. Whereas with this mission the outside factors will not be an obstacle, it is more of  a question of how much I put into it and how much I can do. The next 2 years will be my sabbatical, my time away (if you like) to find myself, and hopefully share it with you. This is something that I am doing for me and only me but if sharing my experiences has a beneficial effect on others then I will be ecstatic!

Now there are a few things that I would like to make clear. I am aware that I have a disability and it is not exactly a small one (albeit I am bias), I have not forgotten that. This mission is not going to be easy it might be that I may not ever reach this magically 10k that I have set myself  but that is OK. The work I need to do to achieve this and improve my physically capabilities will not go to waste if I cannot continue this mission (I have no idea why I am now calling it a mission but I am). Another thing I would like to say is I am not suffering from delusions of grandeur, I don't think I am better than anyone, I am simply doing this to see how far I get and what I can achieve. P.S. I am quite paranoid so there might be a lot of attempts at this justification thing.